Diary of an ordinary woman's affairs

Life is what you make it.

Month: May, 2013

Funny how things happen

About four years ago while lamenting my first affair’s end, I decided to meet with a man to see if it would help me get over the heartache.  It didn’t, but we’ve kept in touch over the years having casual chats, hot chats, and the occasional phone call.  I felt like I should meet him again, so I did.  He’s changed, as have I.  Change is not always a bad thing, in his case, he’s more attractive.

Affairs are fantasy.  They are a place where we can safely live out what it is that turns us on the most.  For him, it’s stockings and heels.  I remembered this and arrived for our lunch date in stockings, heels, a pencil skirt, a low cut v-neck blouse with a bit of black lace showing from my under garments.

We had a lovely lunch, casual conversation, then made out a little in his car where he whispered in my ear what he’d like to do to me.   He looked at me with “hungry eyes” and I drank it in.   We will meet again soon and pick-up where we left off.

As a woman, wife, and mother, I know that the day to day life gets in the way.  Women have a tendency to shut down sexually after kids, years of marriage, working all day and coming home to a house that needs their attention, too.  All men really want is some attention, affection, and a willing partner sexually.  The greatest turn off is a woman that feels it’s her duty and lays there.

I have spent a few years engaging men in conversations on the internet and have come to the conclusion very few men want a divorce.  They like being married and raising their children.  They want the “American dream”, but they also feel deprived sexually and cheated out on that in a way.   They don’t want to leave their wives, they just want a little fun and excitement in their lives.

As women we lure them in sexually, we pay attention to our man, we love them, then we have children and it’s bye-bye sex.  If we don’t find our way back to being the sexy woman he married, he will go looking elsewhere, eventually.  The need to feel and smell a woman is apparently very powerful.

Perhaps now is the time to say a few words to why a woman would look outside the marriage.   I need to be desired, to feel sexy, to be told I am sexy and the like.  Kissing is what I miss the most, followed by wandering hands, full body hugs, and the feelings all those things gives me.   My husband and I have a great relationship, however, he isn’t meeting my needs to be desired, to feel sexy, to feel like a beautiful woman and satisfy me sexually.

Oddly enough, years ago my husband was worried about my health and was concerned about my weight being excessive.  It was, I lost the weight,  I started working out again, and I was feeling great and looking hot.   I thought my husband would be even more into me as we’re both in shape; but that did not happen.

In an affair, I get to be desired and satisfied; in return, I desire and satisfy my “lover”.   I get to explore sexually that which I never did before marriage.   Opening my mind up to the idea of taking a lover has opened a world of exploration and fun I never knew existed.  As I’ve gotten older, I think sex is better now that it ever was in my 20s.

 

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Present Day

An ordinary married woman with children finds herself in a glorious sex affair, again.  After many faithful years, she stepped out on the ledge and jumped into the world of affairs.  It would seem that while this world is frowned upon in society, it just may be more ordinary than we wish to recognize; just google affairs and look for yourself.

I am the woman next door, the woman seated next to you in church on Sunday, the woman volunteering at her kids school, the woman in line at the grocery store, the woman filling her car up at the gas station, the ordinary woman with the wedding ring on her finger and a carseat in the back seat. 

Family comes first, always.  The affair is secondary.   A successful affair requires this understanding from both people involved.  If, at anytime, one of the persons involved wants more than the other can give; it’s doomed for failure, heartache and possibly disastrous results.

Presently, I’ve been married 18 years and have been having extra-marital affairs for the last 5 years.  I didn’t set out to have many affairs.  I thought I could meet one man and have a long-term affair.   I didn’t have a youth filled with relationship after relationship.  I married young and inexperienced with men.  Now, I embrace my freedom to explore sex.  I’ve let go of the societal norms of faithfulness. 

Neither myself nor the man in this extra-marital affair have any plans of leaving their families for each other.  To be very clear, this is an affair of passion and desire, not “love” and “happily ever afters”.  This isn’t about finding a new husband or a new daddy; it’s about fulfilling desires, connecting with someone, a deep friendship, things that often get lost in a marriage where day to day life has taken over.  Not every human being has the ability to engage in this sort of relationship.  It goes against our societal teachings, our societal up bringing, our culture deeply rooted in Christian traditions and values.

This blog is my creation, my outlet, the place where I will reflect upon the last five years and present happenings.