Diary of an ordinary woman's affairs

Life is what you make it.

Month: November, 2014

Wing Man is no more 

I’m amazed that in adult life some adults still act like school aged teens.  I feel like I had a supposed friend who is living out the role of several teen movies that depict teenagers being manipulative for their own amusement.  The only problem is in the movies we see the actions clearly as being manipulative with a motive.  The director directs us to see the plot and we wait for the weaker teen being used to wake-up and ditch the evil, bad, teen “friend” who isn’t a real friend. 

 Why would a working professional adult need to be manipulating and shiesty? Why make friends with someone just to be manipulative for your own amusement?  I think that might be called psychopathic personality, one who gets off on seeing how much they can get from someone and how much fun they can have doing it. 

I just woke-up.  I have just realized I was the weaker teen being used for devious amusement by another.  I’m very upset by my lack of awareness until now.  I have never encountered a psychopath like this person before.

I feel like a fool.  

I do not let people in my work place use me, mistreat me, or feel they can get away with walking all over me.  I learned as I’ve gotten older to stand my ground because when I was younger I felt like I was mistreated and walked all over.  You don’t get to where I am letting others manipulate you, high powered women in male dominated careers have to be two things – smarter than men and tougher than men.  I used to think I knew more than they did, now I know I do and it scares them.
Instead of me being fear mongered, I let them be scared instead.  So, how I let this happen in my personal life is very disturbing to me.  

I’ve been a little busy juggling my daily job and my part-time professorship job. I’d like to think perhaps I didn’t see a “friend” coming after me due to being distracted by my career and life.  I was blind and I was used.  It’s going to take a little time for me to forgive myself.  My “wing man” is gone from the picture, good riddance to the fucktard.


I was reminded why it is that younger men are not my type.

Younger men are just not my type.  There is a reason I have not been into younger men for lovers.   I have yet to be with a younger man who knows what a woman’s sexual needs are.  Yes, I suppose they can go-go-go, but if the go-go doesn’t include foreplay, then what is the freaking point on my end?

I’m in this for a good time; don’t get me wrong, I did have a very good time.  BUT…  I’d like to cum by way of another’s hands, fingers, mouth, lips, tongue, on my nether region, teasing me, caressing me, creating that build up of desire that explodes in shivering squirting orgasm followed by the great fucking to which I then can orgasmically  squirt again and again.  And then let’s go again!

I don’t wish to be judgmental by calling younger men selfish, lazy, immature, or self-serving.  I’m not sure that those words are quite right.  Maybe they are afraid to look at pussies and vaginas close up, maybe they have an aversion to feeling wet, moist, warm areas with anything other than their penises.

I have been with men my own age who are equally bad lovers.  A lover is developed over time, a great lover is not just born that way.   I don’t mind the work to aid in developing a young stud, but when I’m told that one does not need teaching and they know everything, but it’s clear they haven’t put any of it to use; well, hmmm…  WTF!!!

I’m left remembering there is a reason I don’t find younger men to be my type.  Truth be told, older men can go-go-go as well, oral encouragement is a wondrous tool, as well as, time.  The wisdom of experience trumps the vigor of youth for me.