Sometimes you just need to write…

by notsoon4gotten

Christmas is supposed to be a time of year filled with joy and hope. This year the world around me has been wrought with tragedy. Mourning has replaced joy, despair has replaced hope.

On the last day of school before the Christmas break a young boy was killed by a hit and run while walking to his bus stop. He was in high school, just finished his Eagle Scout project and awaiting his ceremony to receive it. He didn’t drive yet, but had a girl friend. A well liked young man, senselessly killed.

This haunts me. If I let it, it rocks the core of my being. I want to scream to the heavens why? Why this boy? Why God? Why does that boy’s mother have to suffer in so much agony and despair???

My son is in high school. He has, also, finished his Eagle Scout project. There are photos of my son with this young man at scout events. They knew one another. This could have been my son. It could have been your son. Days before a time when the world is supposed to be joyful and celebratory, our little world here isn’t so joyful.

The death was witnessed by fellow students waiting for the bus. They watched their friend die, helpless to save him. I know the scars of this all to well, scars are forever. This young man had siblings, how their hearts are filled with loss of their big brother.  My heart aches for his mother, a woman who had to put on the good show for her other children. I don’t know how she did it or even if she did. I know I could not, he wasn’t my son and I have a hard time, if I let myself remember…

Fear has crept into my being since Sandyhook. I have a photo of me and my youngest child from that morning, my child was visibly sad, but I didn’t know why. I believe children know things of this universe and forget them as they age, some forget, some stay in tune. Sandyhook reminds me everyday to hug my children and tell them I love them before they leave for school.  Why? In this world today, I may not see them when I get home.  In a perfect world, parents should not fear letting their children go off to school. Go back 50 years and the world would think we were certifiable nut jobs. Life is not fair, it is not fair that I live in fear, if I let myself remember…

If I gave into my fears, I don’t believe I would ever leave home or let my children leave home. That is no way to live, therefore, I try to be normal and suppress my fears. Ignorance is bliss, they say.

Moving forward from that tragedy to another.

A dear friend of mine lost her husband suddenly on Christmas. There was a message to pray and then nothing until tonight to let all know her husband had died. No details, nothing but his funeral service date. Another senseless tragic event, a father gone, leaving a loving wife and six children. Sudden loss is hard, why him? Why Christmas day???

I might can justify in my head his death is less tragic than the young teen’s death. I knew my dear friend’s husband was unfit, unhealthy, grossly over-weight, however, millions of people are and they don’t just die. I’m a realist and know if that is the way you live your life, the odds are higher that you will keel over dead early in life.

The teen was walking to his bus stop and hit by a driver not paying attention. They found the driver and the car. However, it won’t bring back the young teen’s life, no amount of money, no criminal conviction, no amount of any earthly anything will bring that dear soul back.

Perhaps drivers with prior felony hit and run murder convictions should not be allowed to drive ever again.  Does one mistake make that person a danger to society forever? Our justice system does not believe so.  However, in this case, it was a driver with a previous conviction of a hit and run where the driver repaired the car damage and local shops were involved in the evidence trail to catch the driver. The driver was charged with a DUI in that instance as well. I’m going to guess at the end of our town’s tragedy this driver was driving under the influence, and yet there will be no way to prove it given the time laps.

A child is gone, friends and family are mourning, the guilty person is unharmed and not even in jail at the moment.  Senselessness!

The world is full of heinous acts. So many deaths in the world at the hands of wickedness.  While one part of the world celebrates joy and hope, another part mourns and asks why?

Hug your loved ones a little longer, tell them you love them every day, it’s a sad world we live in to think, I may not see them at the end of the day.

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