Finding Your Way (part 1)

by notsoon4gotten

High powered, high stress careers come crashing down everyday, I was not immune.  I lost my job, my career, my second home, the place I lived awake more hours than my own home.  The stresses were astronomically high as I transitioned out of the position trying to get enough of the job done with little time and little help.   I was feeling really fortunate that I had another job so quickly lined up.  And the day came where I was to begin, I arrived on the scene ready, or so I thought, for this new job.  I left with dread, I could not do this, I could not find the words, but I just felt dread.  I quit the next day.   I was not ready to move on, to move forward, to accept the change.

I’m not sure I was operating with all my faculties.  I had near zero savings and no income other than the few hundred dollars unemployment provided which didn’t cover my bills, let alone anything else.    But there I was, jobless, clueless, and struggling emotionally.

People tried to help.  I had friends ask me “what would you really like to be doing?”  I had my husband laying out my life for me and telling me what he thinks I love doing and how to do it.  I reached out on the internet to see what soul searching advice I could find.  I found similar questions I had no answers for. “What is the work you can’t not do?”

It’s like in the movie “The Notebook”, Noah and Allie are arguing and he yells at her  “What do you want? Just tell me what you want.”  Why is it so hard to answer that?

Jobs are definitely like relationships…