Diary of an ordinary woman's affairs

Life is what you make it.

The Italian Stud Is A Dud

I have been wasting my time with Andrew.  I’m embarking on month six and have decided I’m pulling back and letting it fizzle gently. I don’t honestly think he is “ready” for an affair, I’ve had my reservations about that from the start.  I think he wants to be, but his actions do not prove he probably will not.  His actions show a turmoil within and I just can’t go down that road. 

We have a good time when we get together, but a lunch out, and a few drinks on a total of 3 occasions (including the first) is not what I call progressing to the next level. Texting does not make a relationship. We talk on the phone about twice a month.  

Our last two meet-ups he canceled or just didn’t cancel. He came by a meeting I was in to tell me he wasn’t feeling well, ok.  And the other he didn’t text to confirm or deny, but knowing this was typical (which is a sure sign of why bother), I went to bed and didn’t wait up.  This last time is the last time, I’m done. 

In a normal course of events, I would have had sex by now to determine if he was a keeper.  Let’s face a fact here, I’m not in this to leave my family; I’m in this for a great sex experience. If it isn’t meeting my goal, then it’s a waste of my time. 

My time is precious. I have to balance it between my home life, work, and any extra curriculars I engage in.  If I give you my time, it means I am giving up time with my family.  

I don’t feel like putting more effort into this man.  There is no reward. At least the only time I’ve sacrificed is minimal. 

It was a nice thought to be involved in an affair again. But the reality is, it didn’t happen and I am not in the mood to make it happen.


I’ve figured out why accountants are dry.

It’s an effect of the position.
In general, not many in the profession watch the news or sports because from January to April they live at their jobs. If they are on the auditing side of the house they live at the job or jobs January to August.
We are then plagued with having no conversation topics to engage in. We live our work, but we can’t talk about it.
The effect is “damn he/she is the most boring person I’ve ever met.”
We are not boring, however, time has taught us silence is the golden circle to live in.

I need to work less and have more to talk about!


After I friended Andrew on Facebook, we started chatting.  The messaging quickly turned to a meet-up and texting.  We decided to meet up for coffee, which changed to a few beers on a Saturday afternoon.  The conservation was stimulating, it’s quite something to carry on a conversation with a near intellectual equal.

And so it begins…

Flirting when you aren’t trying

I attended an event with a guess speaker one evening recently.   The meeting was mostly local business owners, bankers, and stuffy suit types.  The speaker was addressing start-up business tactics and funding growing businesses.  It was an okay speaker, nothing fabulous.  When the event ended I was chatting with a few of my friends and an acquaintance whom I see about these circles, but don’t know well.  He handed me his card.  I thought it odd as I don’t need his financial services, but, whatever, I put it in my purse.

As typical fashion I attended another event with another guess speaker about a week later.  Again, meh, the speaker was okay.  As I wrapped up chatting with my friends and this acquaintance, he walked me to my car.   It was freezing outside, so I was hurrying up the convo so I could get out of the wind.  I can’t afford to get sick.

A few weeks later, I cleaned out my purse and found the business card of my acquaintance.  I placed it on my desk and time passed.   I really had forgotten all about this acquaintance.   And then he popped up requesting friendship on the good old Facebook.  I accepted at some point.   And we will call this acquaintance Andrew from this post forward.

Incredibly one can flirt and not know it.  My nativity is part of my charm, so I’m told.  There will be more about Andrew to share.

Life without a cell phone is LIVING!

My life 100% without a cell phone lasted two whole days.  It was not a complete failure.  I’m trying to figure out how to commit to being free of the bitch more often.  I turned my phone back on due to the need to travel about two hours away yesterday.  I did turn the phone on airplane mode since I returned home.

I learned my life fine without it.  I get more done, I have fewer distractions.  The bitch in my pocket isn’t there to make me think about looking at my email or Facebook.  I pulled out a book to read instead!

I really only missed it for checking the weather when I get dressed in the morning and when I get in my car to go home to send a text to a dear friend of mine.

I used my home phone to call a friend and we talked. 🙂

I learned my boss is not able to handle me not having a cellular phone.   He was pretty demanding that I have a phone on Friday, but that didn’t happen.  I like not having a phone too much to go fix this.

I haven’t decided what the best solution is to work.  I don’t want to be connected 24/7 to a place that I work M-F 9-5.  I love my job, but I can’t be at their beck and call.

I have decided the best cell phone is an off cell phone.  So, perhaps I just turn it off when I get in my car to come home.




Throwing my phone never felt so good

Reflections of my sensory overload…

There are so many things in life that bombard our senses with garbage.   The household telephone came into our homes and allowed strangers to interrupt our lives attempting to make money, to make a prank, or any number of other things, mostly garbage.  The phone did “connect”people, however, with a price.

Decades later the advent of a cellular phone entered our lives and allowed for even more interruptions.  No one leaves a message on your home phone other than automated voices, everyone just calls your cellular phone.  Those automated voices on your voicemail can be ignored, but only for so long.  You pick up your home phone and the beeps never end to give you a dial tone.  And that was the end of voice mail, they will take it off your service for a price.

The cellphone used to be an accessory, something carried for emergencies, now your boss can call you when you are driving home.  Or you can take a photo of a dress you are trying on and have your best mom friend tell you how it looks without shopping together.  I miss shopping together.

This morning my cell phone hit my sensory overload switch.  It wasn’t calling or texts that sent my phone flying across the room.  It was simply the 7am alarm while I was fixing my son’s lunch dealing with pre-migraine pain flashers in my line of vision and severe lack of sleep from working too much.

It felt so good throwing that phone!  I picked it up and threw it again. It didn’t break which is both unfortunate and lucky all at the same time.  I picked it up and discovered it was bent, nothing more.  Then, I actually turned it off, literally black screen, it won’t light up if someone calls, sends an email, or texts.  There are only two people who call me for the most part, my boss and my husband.  As for the boss, tough shit today. And I’m sick of using my cellular phone as a corporate phone, so no work calls either!!!  Think of the productivity.

Should I turn the VoIP house phone on?  I keep it unplugged because it is only ever telemarketers calling.  If it’s someone we know they have our cellular phone numbers.   Not today, not turning it on, not ever.  I can call out if I need to.  I’m never home anyway and when I am, no, I do not want to hear it.  I think I only have one old 1990s phone hooked up to it with the 50 foot walk around the house cord (in this case, it’s in the basement and who wants to stand down there and talk on a phone).

Should I turn on my computer and open every blessed email account I own so I don’t miss something? Not today, whatever it is, it will have to wait until next week I think.   I wish I could, but one account I will have to check tomorrow or Saturday. 😦

No Facebook, no istant messaging, no instant internet look it up, no weather channel in my hand, no garbage of information coming in today.  No activity monitor to tell me how many times I go up and down the stairs everyday attached to that damn fucking phone, no email to respond to instantly, my life is taking a slow down turn.  I’m done.  IF you want to reach me, come by and visit.

Damn that felt so GOOD throwing that FUCKING PHONE!!!!!



Sometimes you just need to write…

Christmas is supposed to be a time of year filled with joy and hope. This year the world around me has been wrought with tragedy. Mourning has replaced joy, despair has replaced hope.

On the last day of school before the Christmas break a young boy was killed by a hit and run while walking to his bus stop. He was in high school, just finished his Eagle Scout project and awaiting his ceremony to receive it. He didn’t drive yet, but had a girl friend. A well liked young man, senselessly killed.

This haunts me. If I let it, it rocks the core of my being. I want to scream to the heavens why? Why this boy? Why God? Why does that boy’s mother have to suffer in so much agony and despair???

My son is in high school. He has, also, finished his Eagle Scout project. There are photos of my son with this young man at scout events. They knew one another. This could have been my son. It could have been your son. Days before a time when the world is supposed to be joyful and celebratory, our little world here isn’t so joyful.

The death was witnessed by fellow students waiting for the bus. They watched their friend die, helpless to save him. I know the scars of this all to well, scars are forever. This young man had siblings, how their hearts are filled with loss of their big brother.  My heart aches for his mother, a woman who had to put on the good show for her other children. I don’t know how she did it or even if she did. I know I could not, he wasn’t my son and I have a hard time, if I let myself remember…

Fear has crept into my being since Sandyhook. I have a photo of me and my youngest child from that morning, my child was visibly sad, but I didn’t know why. I believe children know things of this universe and forget them as they age, some forget, some stay in tune. Sandyhook reminds me everyday to hug my children and tell them I love them before they leave for school.  Why? In this world today, I may not see them when I get home.  In a perfect world, parents should not fear letting their children go off to school. Go back 50 years and the world would think we were certifiable nut jobs. Life is not fair, it is not fair that I live in fear, if I let myself remember…

If I gave into my fears, I don’t believe I would ever leave home or let my children leave home. That is no way to live, therefore, I try to be normal and suppress my fears. Ignorance is bliss, they say.

Moving forward from that tragedy to another.

A dear friend of mine lost her husband suddenly on Christmas. There was a message to pray and then nothing until tonight to let all know her husband had died. No details, nothing but his funeral service date. Another senseless tragic event, a father gone, leaving a loving wife and six children. Sudden loss is hard, why him? Why Christmas day???

I might can justify in my head his death is less tragic than the young teen’s death. I knew my dear friend’s husband was unfit, unhealthy, grossly over-weight, however, millions of people are and they don’t just die. I’m a realist and know if that is the way you live your life, the odds are higher that you will keel over dead early in life.

The teen was walking to his bus stop and hit by a driver not paying attention. They found the driver and the car. However, it won’t bring back the young teen’s life, no amount of money, no criminal conviction, no amount of any earthly anything will bring that dear soul back.

Perhaps drivers with prior felony hit and run murder convictions should not be allowed to drive ever again.  Does one mistake make that person a danger to society forever? Our justice system does not believe so.  However, in this case, it was a driver with a previous conviction of a hit and run where the driver repaired the car damage and local shops were involved in the evidence trail to catch the driver. The driver was charged with a DUI in that instance as well. I’m going to guess at the end of our town’s tragedy this driver was driving under the influence, and yet there will be no way to prove it given the time laps.

A child is gone, friends and family are mourning, the guilty person is unharmed and not even in jail at the moment.  Senselessness!

The world is full of heinous acts. So many deaths in the world at the hands of wickedness.  While one part of the world celebrates joy and hope, another part mourns and asks why?

Hug your loved ones a little longer, tell them you love them every day, it’s a sad world we live in to think, I may not see them at the end of the day.

Wing Man is no more 

I’m amazed that in adult life some adults still act like school aged teens.  I feel like I had a supposed friend who is living out the role of several teen movies that depict teenagers being manipulative for their own amusement.  The only problem is in the movies we see the actions clearly as being manipulative with a motive.  The director directs us to see the plot and we wait for the weaker teen being used to wake-up and ditch the evil, bad, teen “friend” who isn’t a real friend. 

 Why would a working professional adult need to be manipulating and shiesty? Why make friends with someone just to be manipulative for your own amusement?  I think that might be called psychopathic personality, one who gets off on seeing how much they can get from someone and how much fun they can have doing it. 

I just woke-up.  I have just realized I was the weaker teen being used for devious amusement by another.  I’m very upset by my lack of awareness until now.  I have never encountered a psychopath like this person before.

I feel like a fool.  

I do not let people in my work place use me, mistreat me, or feel they can get away with walking all over me.  I learned as I’ve gotten older to stand my ground because when I was younger I felt like I was mistreated and walked all over.  You don’t get to where I am letting others manipulate you, high powered women in male dominated careers have to be two things – smarter than men and tougher than men.  I used to think I knew more than they did, now I know I do and it scares them.
Instead of me being fear mongered, I let them be scared instead.  So, how I let this happen in my personal life is very disturbing to me.  

I’ve been a little busy juggling my daily job and my part-time professorship job. I’d like to think perhaps I didn’t see a “friend” coming after me due to being distracted by my career and life.  I was blind and I was used.  It’s going to take a little time for me to forgive myself.  My “wing man” is gone from the picture, good riddance to the fucktard.

I was reminded why it is that younger men are not my type.

Younger men are just not my type.  There is a reason I have not been into younger men for lovers.   I have yet to be with a younger man who knows what a woman’s sexual needs are.  Yes, I suppose they can go-go-go, but if the go-go doesn’t include foreplay, then what is the freaking point on my end?

I’m in this for a good time; don’t get me wrong, I did have a very good time.  BUT…  I’d like to cum by way of another’s hands, fingers, mouth, lips, tongue, on my nether region, teasing me, caressing me, creating that build up of desire that explodes in shivering squirting orgasm followed by the great fucking to which I then can orgasmically  squirt again and again.  And then let’s go again!

I don’t wish to be judgmental by calling younger men selfish, lazy, immature, or self-serving.  I’m not sure that those words are quite right.  Maybe they are afraid to look at pussies and vaginas close up, maybe they have an aversion to feeling wet, moist, warm areas with anything other than their penises.

I have been with men my own age who are equally bad lovers.  A lover is developed over time, a great lover is not just born that way.   I don’t mind the work to aid in developing a young stud, but when I’m told that one does not need teaching and they know everything, but it’s clear they haven’t put any of it to use; well, hmmm…  WTF!!!

I’m left remembering there is a reason I don’t find younger men to be my type.  Truth be told, older men can go-go-go as well, oral encouragement is a wondrous tool, as well as, time.  The wisdom of experience trumps the vigor of youth for me.



Being nice is not worth it. I’m going to be a bitch from now on.

Where do I begin?

I let a friend borrow my car Saturday.   The person was in an accident Monday with the car and I don’t have the car back to assess the damage.  It’s “drivable” in their opinion.  Well, their car is in my driveway waiting for them to fix it.

I haven’t heard from this person in the last 24 hours.  When do I sever the friendship and report my car stolen?

My insurance premiums are going up because of their accident.  I wasn’t even in the car.  I was at work minding my own business.

Being nice has just gotten me no where.

I loaned $50 to my cousin.  I didn’t remember I was running that tight and a check bounced.  I have NEVER had a check bounce in my life.  Well, this has set off a mess that I haven’t had time to deal with.  The nasty letter I received today makes me want to write back here’s your $10 fee and here’s your damn club membership card.  The letter threatened to have a warrant for my arrest issued!!!  (We’re talking $60 here.)

These are just the latest two examples of where being nice has fucked me in the wrong ways.  I am going to be a bitch from now on.  No will be my answer to anything that has a potential to put me in jail.

Honestly, I had no idea that letting an insured driver borrow my car was something that could put me in jail.  Live and learn, apparently the car is insured, not the driver.  I am liable to the injury of body and property in the accident caused by someone else driving a car registered in my name.  So, with that in mind, don’t let your car get stolen.  AND NEVER LET ANYONE DRIVE YOUR CAR FOR ANY REASON, JUST SAY NO!

I have usually told my cousin no I didn’t have money to lend him.  I should have said that same that week as I really didn’t.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  I wasn’t and that is a problem.

I’m so busy and so tired, I’m forgetting very important things.  I work 3 jobs.  I’m not able to leave my day job to do day time errands.  I work 3 nights a week, I go straight from one job to the next with ZERO time to spare.  When I say I have no time to conduct my own personal business, I’m not lying.

I need to find an end to this madness.  Something has got to give and it can’t be my sanity.