Exploring Jane – letting go of fears

by notsoon4gotten

Lady Jane is an evolving process. It is my belief that the human spirit is continuing to evolve until death, therefore, I must explore the life I am living and the choices I am making. My goals are to retain my autonomy and my agency in all of my explorations, that does not mean I won’t explore, it means I will within the structure of consent. As part of the evolving Jane, there is exploration of new experiences to be had.

I have said no in the past to exploring experiences outside of my known comfort level. As human nature is, the element of fear is what holds me back. Fear of what exactly? Fear of rearing up passed traumas, fear of something repressed entering into my head space, at the very forefront is a fear of the unknown. I am willing to face my fears, rational or irrational, in order to explore new experiences.

Jane is entering into new spaces with new people with caution, fighting the urge to simply crawl under a rock. I am not happy with myself when I chose to crawl under the rock, I do this often and generally have some regrets about missed opportunities. I am an introverted extrovert, it’s weird. I want to be social, I want to engage with people, but at the same time it is exhausting. I prefer a close group of known persons, to chill and hang out with; but I need to meet people to find the right people.

I cannot explore new experiences without at least being a fly on the wall. The facts are that in the communities of kink that I am associated with there is always consent. There should not be fear of meeting new people, having new experiences, and engaging with the world around me. No one will force me to participate, no one will chastise me for watching, no one will harm me in my being present at new experiences.

Jane is letting go of fears to explore uncharted territories. Fears will still be there, causing some anxious feelings, that is my human nature.